The 115th Annual Varsity Show:

The economy is in tatters, the endowment is down, and JJ's closes at 2 am nowadays. As freshmen struggle to break out of the Columbia bubble, unemployed alums are desperate to break back in. And after fourteen years as dean of Columbia College, Austin Quigley has been unceremoniously sacked for his irresponsible spending and power-hungry ways. No, it's not an ideal time for anyone at Columbia this year.

But Quigley’s not leaving the ivory tower without a fight. Once university president Lee Bollinger is out on a “fun run,” the deranged dean locks the Columbia gates and establishes himself as ruler. When the campus becomes his self-contained kingdom, the CU Assassins game turns deadly, exorcisms start happening in the common rooms, and the Hallelujah Man preaches his message of love from 113th St.

In short, things in Morningside are as strange as ever, but now it’s a lot harder to get off-campus.